Monday, January 15, 2007

Man with leg

In the news today a bald man called himself a lier. More on that later.

Today also, a man went through a terrible accident where his arm was removed. This silenced him with four days away from work as he could no longer type. We interviewed him over MSN last night.

He sat quietly in his hospital cell.

Crumb: Can you tell us more about the leg incident?
Crumb: have any info on the matter?
oh you mean the daily crumb
Crumb: Just wondering if the medical doers have said anything.
something about a hippo and a piano I think
Crumb: what colour was the hippo?
purple. but it had brown mud on it
Crumb: Any news on your mate?
Crumb: The one crushed by the fallen helicopter. Are you thinking of sueing?
doubt they have anything of value to inherit
Crumb: There are rumours flying around Tony Blair is behind the piano issue. Do you agree or disagree?
I wonder what his favourite Disney movie is
Crumb: Do you agree with George Bush and his 90% military and 100% childrens theme park in the same area?
nope, he's neglecting the sandwich makers
Crumb: How about the rumour a man was ambushed by magpies at the custard factory?
apparently the custard wasn't real. it was made from flour and water with yellow food colouring. set to lure him in.
Crumb: Is it true your leg is actually a fake?
no comment
Crumb: Is it true the officer in charge of the investigation got your name wrong?
he didn't even interview me. he ate some doughnuts instead and made it all up
Crumb: Is it true that the term "BARKING UP THE WRONG TREE" came from a dog, barking up a tree thinking there was actually a cat there?
the cat was in another tree. see
Crumb: thankyou, you've been a fantastic help, just one more question. Was it a red firetruck or a red and white firetruck that came to save the cat stuck up the other tree?
yes, it was a barber fire truck, I remember now!
Crumb: Thankyou very much, have a nice ride in your helicopter!

- The Daily Crumb reports out.

(All interviews are with real people)
RANDOM MSN surveys

Crumb: Hello, we're just doing a survey.
Crumb: its on the simple current issues of things like, the man in the water glass and Tony Blair beind the Piano issue.
Have you got anything to say about the man disapearing in the glass of water?
Nothing you feel needs to be said to the world?
no idea what thats about.
Crumb: Rumours say you knew the man
Crumb: Lots of witnesses, do you know a Tommy?
Crumb: How about a James or a John?
if i did what are the chances it'd be the same as your james or john
Crumb: Very high! Infact, almost 3%! Now, can you tell us more about the glass of water?

*The Daily Crumb was blocked*

Crumb: Hi, we're just doing a survey about bread.
no.. word on the issue?
ur really funny
Crumb: Are you denying the fact some bread is softer than others?
L.O.L. (laugh out loud)
no further comment now leave me alone
Crumb: Just one last thing before you continue cooking, is it true your dad was related to the man attacked by magpies at the custard factory?
omg SO random XD **lolz**
Crumb: The Daily Crumb like to keep to english so we may have to bring in an interpreter to decode that last comment.
"Oh My God. SO random Xylophone Door"
who the **** is this and why are you messaging me with lame jokes?
Crumb: We're writing down all of the lame responses you give us.
Crumb: Do you agree with George Bush and his 90% military and 100% childrens theme park in the same area?
ok enough this is powerfully lame, ill block you if you dont stop
Crumb: Its fine, we can finish now. Just two last questions. One, did you find the survey useful and two who invented the word, "Chortled"?
2 questions, one second of your life washed down the drain.

*The Daily Crumb was blocked*
Crumb: Hi there, we're just doing a survey on the existance of dinosaurs.
They do not exist
Crumb: But recent scientist research says different
Your research? GTFO
Crumb: Science says not only do Raptors excist still todaybut you've been connected to a murder
Crumb: The only way to get out of arrest, ive been told is to say a dinosaur did it.
*slowly backs away*
Crumb: The Scientists are fine with it, The Crumb has spoken to your mother, shes fine with it. NASA are fine with it. Who else do you need to be fine with it?
Crumb: The only choice you can make is to say a raptor did it. Only last week a man in a wheel chair was eaten by a raptor

*The Daily Crumb was blocked*

- Nathan (munch) Viney

No comments:

Post a Comment