Today in the news a man came to our office today asking for a bottle of water.
I filled the bottle with lemonade, he sat down with me around the campfire and told me of his story.
"Twas the night before Christmas my friends. My mother and father asked of me a great journey. As usuel i accepted afraid for my arms. I packed my gear, the many books and rulers. You know my friends, the typical collection of Tom Baker DVD's and recorded simpsons videos. I have seen every episode you know.
So i left my paper mache homestead and wondered across the lonely desert. This is the tale of gruesome creatures, wreckless stormtroopers and awesome forlorsomers. (Those are the people that summon the gruesome creatures and wreckless stormtroopers. They also summon gardeners but that is not important my friends."
But, we didnt.
I didnt understand a word of it, but i let him continue.
"Well you see my friends."
"Stop.. listen. first, there is only one of me... so 'friend' not 'friends' and second. I am not even your friend, you just knocked on my door half on fire asking for a rusty mug of rain water to calm your inner demons."
"Reason is to please good sir."
"I hope so."
"But it is, and not return if it is not part of what you havent quite picked into hills of glory and strong powerless warlocks. Of dirt and pride i demand you leave this area at once."
"Ok.. i am sorry."
So i, Nathan was sent away from The Daily Crumb studios by my new friend. Sent on an amazing journey. He threatened to slice off my arms, i could not let that happen as the only skill i have is lieing to the public through writing.
So i ventured and ventured. All i could find to take with me was some old videos, Doctor Who and some fuzzy Simpsons recordings. Also... some rulers.
So i continued.
But soon i came across a flaming cottage, i heard a baby screaming. But the demons inside of me told me to just walk away, but i ignored them feeling strong and powerful.
I ran inside the cottage with an arm in front of my face.
I saved the little girl, dropping her outside of the collapsed cottage. I was now on fire and ran for miles screaming.
I came across a small broken down shed. It had written on the side, "The Daily Crumb Studios." i banged on the door violently. It opened showing a small man with a scarf around his head.
"GIVE ME A rusty mug of rain water to calm my inner demons! You see, i may have fought them to save the girl but they are fighting back. I feel i want to kill you!"
The man was shocked. "Come right in, i will pour you some water and you can tell me what happened. You go and sit by the campfire."
So i sat by the camp fire waiting for my drink. In the other room i heard nasty giggling, the man passed me the drink and i sipped.... LEMONADE.
I screamed as the demons escaped my stomach.
OMG The man is going insane. The man that knocked on my door is going insane, he is screaming about the demons escaping him...
for some reason i know what he feels like. I ran to the kitchen, filled a mug of water and poured it over the poor man.
Steamed lifted from his skin and he collapsed.
I killed him, i killed him. The Daily Crumb really does bring on bad luck... when will it be my turn?
He just poured water over me and it melted away the demons.
The man is alive!
"Why thankyou for saving my life sir, id swear you poisoned me with lemonade instead of water just now."
I'm sure he poisoned me
Tell me flaming man at the door, do you have a job.
"No i dont, and what do you make of that?" He said angrily.
I dont know..... nothing really you nut. We need some crazy staff and as you didnt die or anything what do you say to joining our staff? Whats your name?
My name is nathan.... wait a moment...... this is getting confusing. WAIT JUST A MOMENT! I WAS THE OWNER OF THIS PLACE BEFORE.
"Ooh right.. nathan. Sorry sir you took so long to return i forgot i didnt own this place entirely. Well i told my parent si owned a successful company now!"
Whats your name?
"My name is Sennheiser. Nice to meet you... again."
Get out of my building! You sent me on a 5 year journey to find nothing because you threatened to cut off my arms.
"I am so sorry.. i did not mean to intrude."
Intrude.. YOU INTRUDED FOR FIVE YEARS!
And that was the story he told me.
My head hurts.
Do you have a job Sennheiser?
"I.. no i dont."
- The Daily Crumb