Today in the news a farmer was run over by a tractor. In an interview the tractor said, "I felt a large head being cut open below the wheels. When i saw the blood on the windows i did not laugh. I only prayed that one day i would be forgiven for murdering this monster. He was well known for abusing his tractors. hitting us with hammers and logs.
But this, of course was an accident."
Police arrived at the scene and have corned it off as attempted murder and a suspicious event. Chief of Police had this to say, "It is a very suspicious case, how on earth did this tractor learn to speak and think by himself? Without releasing too much information, i have to say we are worried that this may be a version of American warfare."
The farmer said this, "I was minding me own buisness, id just finished grinding a set of keys against the metal side of the tractor and suddenly it started to roll towards me. I think i forgotten to put the break down. It rolled and rolled and soon i was under it. If i dribbled this, please forgive me as i am missing half a face."
Do you think it could have been attempted murder?
"Maybe, i have been eating some of the neighbours carrots this winter."
I actually mean, do you think this was a way of the tractor to get revenge?
What? Mental case you are.
The Tractor said this, "He always ignores me! Like im not even saying a word! But i have spoken to him since i was a puppy. Now im going to go to jail all because of his abuse. I will be known as the saviour by all tractor kind."
But you didnt kill him, they're still going to get hurt because hes still alive. You'll just be known as the tractor that tried his best.
At this point the tractor began to cry. He then rusted up was pulled away to the construction yard to be crushed.
How do you feel about your tractor being crushed?
"Absolutely horrible! They could have just cleaned the blood off and handed it back to me."
Are you not worried it would have tried to kill you again?
"Why the hell are you blaming a machine?"
We then asked the farmers neighbour this:
So what do you make of this whole event?
"Well im just hoping i didnt leave any evidence."
But the tractor did it.
"Is that what they're saying? Perfect!"
What can you say about this?
"Well i am an inventor, i put a voice program in the tractor so it speaks human-like. Gave it a miserable story about abuse."
It all makes sense now. You realise when the police find out you will be jailed for a very long time?
"Whos going to tell them hm?"
The neighbour then threatened me.
I'm going to tell them.
Well that ends a wonderful case. We dont need the police. We have, THE DAILY CRUMB.
NEWS on GHIBLI PONYO US RELEASE:
Loved, adored & respected by almost every Japanese, movie critic, cinephile and animation fan around the world, the films of Miyazaki Hayao are yet only one step away in fully reaching the west’s mainstream audience. Next year’s release of the English dub of Miyazaki Hayao’s latest film Ponyo on the Cliff by the Sea is likely to finally make this step and win the hearts of everyone. Besides the film’s adoring high qualities, an exclusive word on the English dub voice cast has reached GhibliWorld.com.
The US audience version, produced by Frank Marshall and Kathleen Kennedy, is to feature an all-star voice talent cast including Matt Damon, Tina Fey, Cate Blanchett, Liam Neeson, Lily Tomlin, Betty White, Fankie Jonas, Noah Cyrys and Cloris Leachman. Though one will not deny using stardom does not automatically guarantee a good voice dub, it will at least be useful in gaining the mainstream audience’s attention. Those wanting to find out what the end result will be still have the wait a bit though. Test screenings are currently being held, the final version will screen in US theaters in 2009.
- The Daily Crumb